A Memory

They wouldn't let us go close to the banks. But we would. We would hold hands and run towards the glistening water. I remember jumping over little spots of goat shit, careful not to spoil my shoes. Finally just as we'd reach close enough to the river, we'd look behind to see our mothers screaming, urging us to stay put and not go too close to the water.

We'd still hold hands. It was safe that way.

• I will not screw up my life anymore.
• I will not add unnecessary characters to my sensible life
• I will not plug those earphones as soon as I am left alone
• I will not forget myself in the canteen, on the platform and while crossing the road
• I will not grin when someone says 'smile'
• I will not interupt when two elders are talking
• I will read more
• I will not keep hanging out on Gtalk when bored
• I will call friends often
• I will remember people's birthdays, anniversaries and leaving for U.S. dates
• I will work on my vocabulary
• I will not decide what others have to do
• I will not answer phonecalls in noisy places and scream 'what, what' 5 times
• I will not argue with A-boy and try to outsmart J-girl
• I will try and pray everyday
• I will watch the movies which I want to, even if I have to go alone
• I will not fuck with details...I am who I am
• I will decide how much I want to reveal
• I will email all sisters living in foreign lands
• I will talk to nanima on the phone when mom calls
• I will plan my day
• I will remember that we are all alone, yet together
• I will not expect anything from anybody

Interesting

"You're ..
a fountain pen,

a 200 page small sized notebook,

an old towel, an old t-shirt...anything old,

a trinklet,

a bag,

a spider,

a doctor's handwriting,

a coconut,

a shark,

a strange equation scribbled on a napkin,

a reel of black thread,

a besan ka laddu,

a pumpkin......"


I am a cloud atleast for tomorrow =)

Schoolgirl

There is not so much to understand
That you are looking at it so intently

You are only creating more confusion, lady
in your mind
underneath that hat...
The real things come and stop
at your door.
They have arrived
and that's that

Laugh, lady
Something funny just occured across the street
But you're still entangled
figuring out the knots
Dropping trickles of coffee on your shirt

Dissolve those entities, miss
past and present and future,
separations and unions..
Forget them like an odd calendar date
They will exist..
and you will pass through them
like an amused traveller in a huge museum
reading specimen descriptions
and admiring dinosaur skeletons..

hai na?

Scary Rats

A fat rat hanging around the railway track
Through tiny holes
and sufficient gaps, it runs
flashing skyward its ugly tail.
I watch
And I imagine crossing those tracks
with the animal
near my toe.
And I imagine more..
And I wonder of a death
caused by a big bloody bite
of the rodent
And I think
Okay, so I died of a rat bite
and my spirit left my body
Cool..
Such things also happen

Small Windows

My navy blue shirt
highlights me
highlights the navy-blue'ness in me
earns me that second look...

And I collect compliments
but forget them by 7pm

I feel like a piece of the sky
walking amid moulds of earth
And I know I'm different
and I know that navy blue is my colour

That voice takes me ahead
Lifts me from this moment
to the next
and the next...

It's nice
to travel this way...without shoes
just flying...

Q's that rise and fall

Suchitra writes better than anyone of us.

But nobody knows this. None of her friends, nobody in her family..no person. She doesn't tell anyone of this hobby or art or talent, whatever you choose to call it. I find it too strange. Why does she write then? Doesn't she want praise or atleast recognition..?

If people read her writing, or say the right kind of people read her writing..they'd want to really know her better. She will be popular and idolised. Who knows maybe even benefit in terms of monetary rewards..
Not even once has she thought of this?

She has stories she could tell the world. She has words that would do justice to the exciting script..then why not?

Message in Cubholes

Don't mess too much with what you're given
Twirling the ribbon on the stem of that orchid
again and again
caused you to break one gorgeous purple petal

Now you're thinking
of dumping the whole flower
in one corner of the world
Broken flower
looks bad, right?

Three seasons ago
Somebody damaged you
And you cried in that person's palm
But got flung
into that same corner that you have decided
for this flower as well.

Don't be a stupid girl
Be good to life
so will it mirror for you.

On a Chessboard

I am in the one in the raincoat
Walking under dark, violent skies
Head inside a large hood
Looking down
Walking still.

Coming towards you
to harm you
to hurt you
And you wait at the doorstep smiling

And I watch this scene in my head
As guilt steps behind
I know I'm just playing a role
Plucking one string of your fate...

And feeding a blue poison
to your love
and mine.