Feeling Phony

It is a type of a social phobia. I don't talk on phones. I am afraid to have a telephonic conversation with people, especially people I know.

I remember, during my school days I would be at the phone for hours. And we were 7 friends...so you can imagine how time had to be alloted to each one. Besides it was the landline, so there'd always be an adult in the background reminding us "It's already an hour since you've been on the phone..I need to call xyz..talk to your friends tomorrow,anyway you meet everyday"..The works.
Even in JC, I would refill my card days before the month end. I don't know why but gradually, my telephonic activity started decreasing. And today it has reached a point where it is almost zilch. Barring a few calls for work to friends.

I was looking at my bill for this month and I was shocked at the number of calls I have made. Barely anything! That made me think. Do I do this on purpose? Well, kind of.

Telephonic conversation scares me a little. Now, someone would think I'm weird to have this kind of a problem, but it's true. I face difficulties keeping up with phone communication. For one, I worry about awkard silences and overlapped talking. I have observed that generally either I am a part of a awkwardly silent moment or a confused situation when both parties are talking at the same time. It makes me feel like I lack rapport with that person, and that is not a very good feeling.

Second issue would be  calling up at a wrong time! I have a history behind me of calling people when they either in the loo, or are in a party, movie, funeral....thankfully people don't pick up calls when they are making out!

So, I fear embarassment.

I also fear running out of topics. I mean, it isn't my responsibility alone to keep up the conversation, but I fret over my contribution. That is why, when it comes to making professional calls I am all set, because there is a planned content and clarity in purpose. But when it's personal, I am lost.

Don't know an appropriate end, because I am not exactly working on it neither am completely ignorant of my troubles. So, it's somewhere there...on hold!