Octobre

October can be tragically romantic or just one of those typical summer months. My take on October completely depends on the weather. From the past few days, it has made me very sombre and nostalgic. The air is winterish and a cold wind blows occasionally, esp in the mornings..and late nights. And when the sun shines in this theme, it's most cherished..I love the warmth.

But it brings in some pain..some grief.. And I have to deliberately avoid some songs while travelling, because I know I'd be dripping tears hearing those. Why, someone may wonder! Well,winters every year have been very special for me. I have had my happiest and saddest times..and the weather brings back every memory so vividly, I just can't tell you. My entire self-concept of me being a kinda detached person than most, proves wrong..and I feel pathetically sensitive...

October brings in my grandad's death anniversary. So when I am thinking of him more than I would normally, I feel slightly weepy and lonely. And the human mind loves to wallow in self-pity so one has to be slightly careful. Inspite of knowing that I still fail...

During such periods work is temporary cure. While at a project, the mind functions at its best, pushes its limits and gives excellent output..and the tiredness after the completion comes laden with a deep feeling of emptiness. I don't know whether this happens to all..or its just me..but I feel a void I can't ignore.

Octobers can be scorching hot too. The summers don't ignite any particular memory in my head..so the times when October burns I am living it like any other month. This pecularity of my life is in a way predictable hence aovidable, one may believe. But what perplexes me is a certain program that my mind has learnt..some associations it has made that I am completely unable to unlearn..to erase..to 'format'...

In this way, the barrier-less view of the sky...of the moving clouds..of the sunset(which otherwise would bring a smile) puts me in that barrel, barrel of melancholic liquid..and I am living the October blues